Never
by The Decemberist
Summary: She was stupid to think she'd ever change. AU LarxenexAxel


just an AU oneshot about Larxene and Axel. I absolutely love that pairing btw.  
disclaimer- i dont own kh or any of the characters or all that crap

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**Never**

He'd always told himself not to fall in love with the pretty girls.

Or not even the pretty girls; the girl could be just plain pretty. It was more like the beautiful girls he had to be careful with, the kind that stopped your breath and astounded your heart. The kind with the sweet smiles and evil eyes; with the innocent features and cruel intentions. Girls like Larxene.

He'd first seen her at a party his freshmen year; he'd been smoking his first joint when he'd first caught sight of her. Blonde hair all messy, make-up smudged and a beer bottle in her hand, he'd never seen anyone so eye-catching. She'd been surrounded by at least three other guys, all of them with lust in their eyes. She didn't seem to mind; in fact she looked downright at ease with the less then honorable men and the less then honorable drink.

For the next few weeks he was slightly obsessed with the beautiful, intriguing, but cruel blonde. She liked making other people unhappy, physically or mentally, and she would work her dark magic on a person every chance she got. It was entrancing.

He saw her again at another party; this time he wasn't stoned. He'd wanted to go up to her and ask her to hang out with him, but just as he was walking over to where she sat with her usual male crew, he realized that they lived in different worlds. A girl like Larxene wouldn't give him the time of day. And a guy like him shouldn't want her to give him the time of day.

She didn't cross his mind after that night; in fact it was another good year before he even laid eyes on her again. The time, the place, and the mood were different. He was different. He'd been walking to his next class when he'd spotted her. Seeing her outside ditching class, nonchalantly smoking a cigarette while blood dripped down her arm slowly with a knife in her hand made him think about the first time he'd ever seen her. She had been so mesmerizing back then, but now he saw her in a different light. Now, she looked almost human.

"Hey Axel," She'd called out to him, catching him catching her cutting and smoking on campus. She caught him off guard; he hadn't known she'd known his name. "You want?" She pulled out a cigarette and held it out to him. He took it without a second thought.

She held out her lighter but he just shook his head. She raised her eyebrows in disbelief before lighting it herself.

"You know," He gestured to her arm and the cigarette she was smoking. "That's really bad for you."

She looked at him like he had three heads before smiling softly. "That's okay, I don't mind bad."

"It'll kill you."

"I'm counting on it." The hard edge in her voice surprised him, but then again nothing about her should surprise him, right?

0o0o0o0o0

Everyone on campus calls her a slut and a whore, and that all she ever does is ditch class to have sex and get high with her friends. They say the only reason she wears the revealing black clothing is to get attention because that's the only way she can. They say that she's had three abortions and actually kept one kid for a week before she killed it because she was bored. Larxene doesn't mind the talk though; she finds it amusing that people have so little lives themselves they make up stories about her own.

The only thing that bothers her is when **he** believes the talk. It makes her mad when he comes to her, asking her if another one of the horrendous rumors are true. In his defense, they occasionally are but that part doesn't matter to her. She just doesn't like it when he doubts her.

She's a junior now; their strange relation has been going on for about a year. It all started when he'd caught her cutting and smoking outside the gym and she'd offered him a cigarette. To this day she still couldn't explain why she'd done it. Maybe it was because Marluxia had hurt her more then normal when they were having sex the previous night, and she'd just wanted a little male company who didn't expect her to spread her legs. At any rate he'd accepted her offer, and from that day on he would always ditch third period to watch her slice up her wrists and destroy her lungs. The feeling of friendship they'd developed was mutual; she liked him because he'd listen without wanting sex, and he liked her....well she didn't know why he liked her but she didn't care. He was there when she needed him and that was all that mattered.

The first he'd kissed her she'd slapped him. She didn't want him to kiss her; she could get empty kisses from practically every male in their large high school. Instead of running away hurt, as she thought he'd do, he slapped her back. Then he'd shoved her against the wall and kissed her with enough force to make her forget how to breathe.

Larxene doesn't understand why she's so infatuated with him; he's just a semi-attractive kid with wild red hair, eyes full of mirth, and an irritating catch phrase. He's actually very annoying to her; always stomping out her cigarettes, hiding her knives, and when she demands to know why he does it he tells her it's for her own good. 'Got it memorized?' he would say before kissing her roughly. Doesn't he get that it's her way of making herself happy? That every little cut is one drop of blood closer to death? That every smoke is another step closer to not feeling the pain?

She remembers the days with Marluxia, and how he'd beat her if she refused to sleep with him. Sometimes he'd beat her even if she did sleep with him, just because he thought it was fun to see her on the ground in pain. Sometimes it was her that provoked him, throwing punches when he'd push her a little too hard with his words. Marluxia had gotten his share of black eyes and painful bruises from their relationship.

She'd broke it off with him when she realized how deeply she felt for Axel. At first he'd tried to convince her to stay with him, but in end he found another slut whose bra was a size bigger then hers and he was perfectly okay with her dumping him.

The first time Axel had told her he'd loved her she had laughed; a dark mean laugh that filled him with hurt.

"You think I'm lying to you? Do you think I'm crazy?"

"That's the thing," She'd muttered softly as she traced a pattern across his chest. "You're not thinking at all."

"God damn it Larxene, I love you."

"Please stop," She stopped tracing the pattern and gazed at him with pleading eyes. "Love to me means nothing more then...then gibberish. So many people have told me they loved me, but I know that every one of them was lying. I won't let you be a lair Axel."

"Larxene," He touched her face gently and pressed his lips to her cheek. "I love you, okay? It's not a lie, not a fib, not a misconception. I honestly and truly do love you."

She'd shook her head and he'd stubbornly held her face in his hands until she'd listen to him again.

"I love you. Got it memorized?"

0o0o0o0o0

He's kissing her now, kissing her hard enough to make her want to stay alive, to feel the pain of life for a little bit longer. He does that to her a lot, lately she's stopped cutting as much. The blood and pain no longer brings her the satisfactory it once did. Being with him brings that pleasure.

She kisses him back just as hard, pushing him against the school wall; giggling as she does so. Being with him makes her feel almost giddy; like she was a little girl who believed in love all over again.

He pulls back and smiles at her, and tells her he loves her. She sort of likes it now, it sounds like the truth when he says it. She still can't say it back to him though; when she confesses her love she wants it to be the absolute truth. She doesn't want to feel even a smidge of doubt. She's very close, but not quite there yet. He understands, and is okay with waiting for her.

He tells her that he has to cut their meeting short; he has a doctor's appointment and has to leave school early. She smiles before kissing him one last time and letting him leave.

"Axel!" She calls out, wanting to try to say it. "I...I...l...I lo...." It's harder then she thought.

"It's okay Larxene," He says gently, cutting her off. "Say it when you're ready." He gives her one last smile before disappearing into the main building. Larxene smiles, something always does after she's around him. She wants to tell him she loves him so badly, but she has yet to let the words come from her lips.

"Don't worry Axel....soon." She says to herself as she decides on a whim to attend the end of third period for once.

0o0o0o0o0o0

The next day he isn't in school and he hasn't answered his phone. It's making her mad; last night she wanted to sneak out and meet him. This morning she wanted to ditch the end of first period to be with him. Neither of these things was possible, because he wasn't there.

She was late to school, and as a result missed her test and the morning announcements. She doesn't care; neither is very high on her priority list. The teacher just gives her a disproving look as she slinks in and flops down in her desk. He doesn't even blink when she takes out her phone to start texting, even though cell phones are forbidden in class.

All day people are looking at her funny, some with tears in their eyes and some with pity. She doesn't understand but then just brushes it off; people have always been starring at her strangely. At the end of the day he's still not there and now she's extremely mad. Ditching third period and smoking by herself just isn't as much fun without him.

She goes to the office at the end of the day, determined to find out why he wasn't in school. When she says his name to the receptionist, she gives her a strange look and directs her to the principal's office. As she's walking into the office, Larxene is trying to figure out what emotion the receptionist was looking at her with. As she closed the office door she realizes it was pity on her face and begins to feel worried.

"Take a seat Larxene." There is an unmistakable edge of sadness the aging man's voice and now Larxene is feeling scared. What had happened? He gives her the same look of pity before continuing.

"Since you were late to school today, you didn't hear it on the announcements. Axel was killed by a drunk driver yesterday. There's going to be a memorial service in a couple of days, everyone is welcome. The wake is in..." But Larxene isn't hearing him anymore. She stopped caring after he'd said the word 'killed'. Because killed means dead, and she knows all about dead. She spent the first fifteen years of her life wanting to be dead.

Without warning she runs out of the office, tears streaming down her cheeks. She runs to her car and drives out of the school parking so fast she almost hits someone, but she doesn't care. She doesn't care about anything or anyone anymore.

After a few minutes Larxene has to pull over because she can't see the road, her tears kept blinding her. She sits in the car sobbing and screaming out curses as she wishes for death.

0o0o0o0o0

She sits in the only nice clothes she has; a long black dress with a white sweater over it. The couch underneath her is uncomfortable but she hardly feels it. The wake is filled with too many people for her taste; she's always hated big crowds.

She sits and waits for the bulk of the people the leave; she'll say her goodbyes when she's as close to alone as she can get. She doesn't mind if his parents and his brother see her breakdown, god knows the three hadn't stopped crying since the wake had begun. They'd known who she was almost immediately; they told he'd talked about her so much they felt like she was a member of their family. That one hurt for her to hear, it hurt to remember or think about him.

She cut herself last night, but it doesn't give her what she wants. She no longer feels any pleasure from seeing her own blood drip down her arms. She wants him back; he gave her that pleasure.

She sees his brother; the boy's blue eyes are red and he looks like he didn't get any sleep the night before. Roxas, she's pretty his name is. To the best of her knowledge he's a freshman and is dating a girl named Namine. She thinks about Roxas so much to distract herself from thinking about him now that most of the people are gone.

His mother walks over to her and tells her that the only people left are her, his dad, and Roxas. She tells her that they'll let her say goodbye privately is she wants.

Larxene tells her yes and gets up slowly; she's stiff from sitting on the uncomfortable couch for so long. She walks over to the casket and sees him lying there; completely lifeless. His hair is still all red and spiky; he's dressed in his favorite pair of jeans and a nice shirt. She half expects him to sit right up and start living again. But the other half knows that that's nonsense. He's gone for good.

She kneels down and allows herself fall to prices quietly, sobs racking her body and tears falling down her cheeks like a waterfall. At the moment she hates him more then anything, but it's only a cover for who she really hates; herself. She hates herself for feeling the anguish. She hates herself for caring for about him. She hates loving him.

"God Axel," She mutters through her tears. "Why did you have to do this? Why did you have to just go and fucking **die**?" She pounds her first on the casket edge and cries some more.

In truth she'd do anything to bring her back to life; anything to feel his heartbeat and hear him breathe.

"I never got to tell you, to tell you that I love you." She skims her finger tips over his cold hand and grasps it lightly. "It's the truth now. But it doesn't matter because you're fucking **dead**. Why did you have the leave anyway?! God Axel you know there's no way I can survive without you now."

She gets up slowly, after she gently leans down and kisses his dead, frozen lips. It's the last kiss they'll ever have. She comes up from the kiss with a new resolve; love is not worth it. _Besides_, she thinks to herself as she goes to leave. _I'll never love anyone else like him, nor would I even want to try_. She opens the door and walks out; closing it behind her softly. Now he's nothing more then a memory.

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